


the pick up artist

by pumyra



Category: Bleach
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Pickup Lines, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-10-08
Updated: 2012-10-17
Packaged: 2017-11-16 09:30:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/538009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pumyra/pseuds/pumyra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ichigo/orihime fics revolving around pickup lines</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. smile, because happy looks good on you.

**BLEACH © Tite Kubo**

**title:** hold your tongue  
 **summary:**  —maybe it is confidence, but mostly he thinks it is stupidity, whatever it is he should learn to keep his mouth shut.

 **pickup line—** _smile_ , because happy looks good on you.

* * *

He does not know what it is that makes him say it. Maybe it is confidence, but mostly he thinks it is stupidity. He has become an idiot, who cannot seem to hold his tongue. It is good though that he is comfortable in the presence of this girl. They have been friends for a very long time and they have been through a lot together so it is only natural that he no longer has to filter his words. But to say something so  _boldly_  inappropriate, especially for the type of friendship they have, is something more than idiocy, it is pure stupidity on his part.

Though he did, people might say, bring a smile to her face.

Still, this is… _beyond_  HORRIBLE! It is terrible. This could damage their friendship. At least, he had not said it in front of Tatsuki. That overly protective person would usually beat guys for much less than a simple slip of the tongue.

He might have kept thinking about all the torturous things Tatsuki might have done to him if a voice did not bring him out of his own nightmarish thoughts.

"Um, are you okay, Kurosaki-kun?"

An  _angelic_  voice too.

"I, uh— thank  _you_?"

He had just thought that out loud hadn't he?  _Yup_ , this had just escalated from beyond horrible to  _extremely_  terrible.

 _'Damn it…'_ he silently groans, there is no way he would get out of that one. Wait a minute there is…he could run! There is only one solution to problems like this:  _RUNNING_.

Just as he is about to bolt a tentative hand is placed on his slumped shoulder.

"Are you sure you're okay, Kurosaki-kun? You've been crouching in that corner since you said—"

"NO,  _DON'T_  SAY IT! IT'S TOO HORRIBLE!" he exclaims pushing the heel of his palm farther into his eyes. To have her verify that he had actually said what he said would only help to make him feel worse.

"AH! Okay! I'M SORRY!"

He stood up, his back still turned to her. No matter how terrible the situation he had gotten himself into was, she should definitely  _not_  be the one apologizing to him. After all, he had hit on her, made her worry, and frightened her with his cowardly reactions. He could barely stand to hear her verify his slip-up.

"No, I don't do that.  _I_  should be the one saying sorry," he turns to face her, finally able to open his mouth, "So, I'm sorry for what I said and for making you feel uncomfortable."

He opens his eyes slowly, which were previously tightly shut closed, to see her reaction. He is fearful that, at worse, she will have a look of disgust on her face but she does not.

She only smiles and says: "Don't worry. You're actually the first person who's been able to make me laugh so hard in a long time."

Whatever he has been expecting her to say it is definitely not that because she quickly edits her statement when she sees the look on his face.

"WAIT! Not that I was laughing  _at_  you, only at what you said…NO! What I meant was that— _that I_ —I don't know what I meant…" she sighs in frustration.

It seems like this day has both of them tongue-tied. Not that he had been early, because earlier he had been a pretty smooth.

"Hey, don't worry about it. I know what you mean but about what I said before…"

"Oh, the  _smile, because happy looks good on you_  thing? Or the  _angelic voice_  compliment? Because you—KUROSAKI-KUN,  _WAIT_!"

Ichigo could safely say that for a girl, Inoue could keep up with someone like him pretty well. Still, that would not be enough to stop him from running away.

"Kurosaki-kun, stop, please~! It isn't so horrible. I promise!"

"You're right," he says—surprisingly—slowing down, "IT'S  _TERRIBLE_!" he shouts over his shoulder, before speeding up.

It may be mostly stupidity that he does what he does but he is glad that he does it. If he hadn't then he would not be being chased by this girl that he thinks he might like, and both of them would probably not be as they are right now.

So, when he finally lets her catch him while she smiles, brightly at him. He knows what he said is right, happy  _does_  look good on her. And he tells her this because he secretly likes the blush he causes when he does.


	2. the sexiest thing i've ever laid eyes on

****disclaimer:**** BLEACH © Tite Kubo

 **title:**  i'm bringing sexy back  
 **pickup line:** _so_ , how does it feel to be the sexiest thing i've ever laid eyes on? **  
** **summary: —** "you shouldn't be walking alone. guys are… _creeps_ "

* * *

The walk to school is like any other for Ichigo with Chad walking next to him, quietly looking ahead, followed by Mizuiro and Keigo, the former texting while managing to ignore the latter's loud ranting.

"Mizuiro! Don't ignore me you bastard! Why did you ditch me for those hot girls yesterday, haven't you heard of ' _bros before hoes'_?"

Ichigo can only sigh, in irritation, at Keigo's loudness. He is about to turn around to get him to shut up when Chad taps him on the shoulder to get his attention.

"Huh? What is it Chad?"

"Inoue," he says simple, before pointing at the other side of the street.

He squints in search of her, and frowns when he sees her. She seems to be talking to a group of guys, well more like the guys are flirting while she tries to politely reject their advances. He calls out to her, before looking both ways to cross the street. The others follow behind him. As he approaches the group of guys shoot him glares and sneers, seemingly annoyed that Inoue has giving all of her attention so easily to him.

"Oh! Kurosaki-kun, good morning!" she chirps happily, hiding her distress with a smile.

He replies with a mock salute, "Sup, Inoue, you heading to school? You can walk with us," he says, ignoring the guys behind her entirely.

Finally one of them speaks up, the bravest of the bunch, giving him a glare all the while "Hey  _buddy_ , can't you see she's busy talking to us?" He emphasizes the word buddy, with a hard poke to Ichigo's chest.

Ichigo fights back the urge to beat the guy, choosing instead to continue ignoring his presence. If Inoue had not been there he probably would not have hesitated but she is there. He places a hand on her shoulder to lead her away when the idiot grabs her arm, harshly pulling her towards him. To Ichigo that is a direct threat and he won't stand for it.

Ichigo is about to knee the brave-idiot in the gut when a hand connects with the guy's jaw, which he recognizes it as Inoue's. The guys friend's are in a state-of-shock, and so is Ichigo, at her action. She grabs the guy before he falls on street.

"Um, Sorry. Here you go," she apologizes, handing him off to one of his friends.

They take him and apologize for the guy's behavior in return. Inoue turns her attention to him when she waves the guys off, he quickly closes his mouth when he realizes he has been staring. For once, he does not know what to say.

"I–Inoue," he clears his throat of the stutter, "That was–I didn't know that you knew karate?"

"Yup! Tatsuki taught me!" she strikes a pose.

"I can see that. Anyways do you wanna walk with us?" he asks her, pointing with his thumb behind him at Chad, Mizuiro, and Keigo.

"Sure. If that's alright with you guys?"

"OF COURSE IT'S ALRIGHT! I'D LOVE TO WALK YOU TO SCHOOL, INOUE-SAN~!"

Ichigo stiffens when Keigo's annoyingly loud voice, sounds right in his ear. He doesn't have to lift a finger before Mizuiro has already planted his foot in the back of his head.

"Please don't mind Asano-san, if you ignore him he'll go way. And it's fine if you walk with us."

Mizuiro gives her a smile, muffling Keigo's indignant complain in the ground. He pulls him to his feet dragging him away, from Ichigo and Orihime, followed by Chad. They trail behind them, walking next to each other, Ichigo is the first to speak.

"Sorry about that. Mizuiro's right though, if you ignore him he'll go way," the corner of his lips turning up into a slight grin, when he hears her giggles.

"That's  _mean_ , Kurosaki-kun. I wouldn't be able to do that."

"You never know…I forgot to ask but, where is Tatsuki? She usually walks to school with you."  _And by walk I mean protect_ , he thinks to himself.

"Oh! She had early practice at her dojo."

"Well, you shouldn't be walking alone. Guys are creeps."

"Those guys weren't that… _creepy_. They were pretty funny actually, for awhile."

"How so?" Ichigo thinks that her idea of what is funny can be a bit strange.

She frowns, thinking seriously about how to answer his question "Oh yeah, so…how does it feel like to be the sexiest thing I've ever laid eyes on?"

He trips, startled and blushing "I-uh- _what_?"

Realizing that she has worded it wrong, she blushes and stammers amendments, "I mean that's what they said to me. It's actually a more of a funny than effective pickup line though, don't you think?"

He can't help but smirk and chuckle at her confused frown, which only succeeds in confusing her even more since she asks him what he thinks is so funny.

"Inoue, pickup lines aren't  _suppose_  to be effective. They're suppose to make you laugh so you'll think the person telling them is funny, that's the trick to them," he explains, feeling amused as her eyes widen in realization and wonderment of learning something new.

"Ah, Kurosaki-kun is smart in the art of pickups. Teach me, Sensei!"

"Er, I wouldn't call it that and definitely don't call me sensei if I do teach you."

"Yes, sir!" she stand ramrod straight, giving him a militaristic salute.

He only sighs at that, she really is a strange one, but what is the worst thing that can happen by teaching her something new?

They finally arrive at school but the conversations that follow that day are just as interesting. He doesn't know though that by agreeing to teach her a few things about the  _art of pickups_ , as she call it, that he will be the one she attempts to pick up; which she is succeeds in doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _ugh_ , i suck with dialogue, thought that i should try it anyways. practice makes perfect and all that. i feel like the end seems forced. hopefully it wasn't so bad...


	3. will you kick it with me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **note:** guys gossip more than girls, true fact.

****disclaimer:****  BLEACH © Tite Kubo

 **title:**  kisses and gossip  
 **pickup line:** _if_  i buy a soccer ball, will you kick it with me? **  
** **summary:**  —"weren't there simpler ways of asking me out on a date?" a simple "nope!" and smile is her response to him.

* * *

It is common for Orihime to notice things that concern Ichigo. These things can and do include his favorite food, his favorite color, and his favorite sport. She notices that out of the many athletic clubs at school that pay him, he always accepts the soccer teams offers.

She sometimes even watches him play and she thinks that he is amazing at it, though that might just be because she thinks everything he does is pretty amazing.

People may think that being goalie is not that amazing but the position suits him. He protects the goal and the team wins; being a goalie is not easy. If the team loses people place the blame on you for letting the other team score. No one places the blame on Kurosaki-kun though, because he never allows anyone to score.

' _G_ _oalie isn_ _'_ _t the only position Ichigo is good at either! He is actually really good at all of them, who knew that idiot had talent?'_

At least, that is what Tatsuki has told her and by what she has seen of his practices it is true. If the soccer team is lacking players, any position, they would call on Kurosaki-kun. Tatsuki has also told her to use this interesting fact to her advantage but she still has no idea on how?

Maybe she can challenge him to a game of soccer but he would probably beat her at it. Besides she would probably end up skewing the rules and playing some strange version of soccer that ended with one of them becoming famous and winning the world cup.

She sighs watching the soccer team scrimmage, behind the chain-link fence that surrounds the school soccer-field. Who is she kidding? She can barely manage to ask him simple questions, like,  _would you like some left over bread Kurosaki-kun?_  or  _Are you okay Kurosaki-kun? Do you need help Kurosaki-kun?_  Honestly, she is even starting to annoy herself. It is so simple to just ask him:  _Kurosaki-kun, please go on a date with me?_  But it isn't simple!

Could she really be content with just watching him and staying by his side forever as only a friend? No, she couldn't.

:

"Hey look at that, isn't that Inoue-senpai?"

"Yeah, I wonder who she's waiting for…"

"Do you think she's got a boyfriend on the soccer team? She's always there when the senpais' practice."

"Let's guess who it is."

"Shou-senpai? All the girls think he's good-looking, I heard he even has his own fan club!"

"No way! I heard he doesn't like stupid girls."

"Hey! That's insulting! Inoue-senpai is third in her class!"

"Really? I never would have guessed, she seems a bit…ditzy."

"Well if it isn't Shou…then Tsukasa-senpai?"

"Nah, he already has a girlfriend."

"What? Who?"

"She's in the same year as him! I think they're childhood friends or something like that."

"I think it's…Kurosaki-senpai." The boy's statement is instantly met with outcries of disbelief.

"WHAT!"

"ARE YOU STUPID!"

"NO WAY!"

It seems that Kurosaki Ichigo is an unlikely candidate for their beautiful senpai's attention.

"I heard he's a delinquent."

"He hangs out with yakuza, too! At least, that's what I heard."

"Wasn't he going out with that short girl with black hair? What was her name…Kuki? Kuchi?"

"It's  _Kuchiki_ , dumbass!"

"Yeah, her. Weren't they going out?"

"Nah, they just seemed really close. Besides I heard her boyfriend is some scary yakuza with red hair and tattoos."

"What about that demon? Arisawa…"

"I heard she kicked his ass so, I doubt it."

"See! Then it might be possible that Inoue-senpai and Kurosaki-senpai are dating. It's not a stupid assumption!"

"Yes, it is!"

"No. The idiot might be right, it could be possible."

"H-how! She's  _so_ …and he's  _like_ …!"

"Well, have you noticed that when the team doesn't use Kurosaki she doesn't show up to practices?"

"And remember that one time those guys tried taking picture of her? Kurosaki was pissed!"

"Well, that was only because they tried to take them of her in the locker room! Anyone would be pissed off at those perverts!"

"Well can you explain to us why Inoue-senpai is kissing Kurosaki-senpai at the moment—WAIT, WHAT!"

The entire group of gossiping boys turns around and finds that…Inoue Orihime is indeed kissing Kurosaki Ichigo.

:

When Ichigo woke up that morning he had expected his day to go by normally. He would go to school and after school he would attend soccer practice. He did not expect though, that during practice he would be kissed. It isn't just some kiss either, it is a kiss from Inoue. His friend.

He knows that people gossip. He knows that people say things like  _I heard Inoue Orihime is in love with Kurosaki Ichigo._  He also knows that gossip is rarely, if ever, true. He hates gossip, he hates rumors but even he has to admit that he does not entirely hate the idea of Inoue loving him. Who wouldn't want to be loved by her? She is beautiful, kind, intelligent and everyone thinks so as well.

He doesn't think so though, he thinks that Inoue is much more than just beautiful, kind, and intelligent. Inoue isn't someone that can be explained to people who don't know her. She isn't someone superficial so, superficial words could never describe her. Maybe he is just over thinking things though.

So, just how has he ended up in this situation? Inoue had come up to him as he finished the scrimmage he was in. His lips tugged upward into a small smile, he waved before gathering his things and heading over to her.

As he approached her he could see a look of determination on her face, one that he rarely had a chance to see. It made him wonder if she had been waiting for a reason, had something happened?

But before he could get out a greeting or ask her if everything was alright she had pulled him down in, her lips pressing softly against his. He should have pulled away, but he didn't. Instead, he kisses her in return.

Her hands on his chest for leverage as she presses closer to him and he hold her there. He doesn't hesitate to respond, his hands on either side of her face to hold her close to him. He pulls away only when he feels a multitude of eyes staring at them, as much as he likes the feeling of Inoue's lips on his he does not like the feeling of being watched.

"Um…why don't we take this somewhere else," he says, pulling her along with him and away from prying eyes.

When they are somewhere more private than the school-soccer field he looks at her awkwardly. What should he say? Is something expected to be said after a girl kisses a boy? He doesn't know and it is making him freak out, especially since Inoue seems satisfied just simply being there.

' _Why is she not freaking out! I'm freaking out and I didn't even start the kiss!_ _'_ his thoughts filled with inner turmoil.

But before he can further think about their predicament, or panic over it, she is saying something.

"So…Kurosaki-kun, I was wondering…" she casually says, poking her index fingers together, a light blush on her cheeks.

"Yes?" he prods, barely able to get the words out without stuttering, compared to her his entire face is encompassed in red.

"!"

Her words come out rushed and embarrassed and he can't help but find that slightly amusing. After kissing, she is embarrassed to ask him…wait what exactly did she say?

"Um…what?"

"I-I said…if I buy a soccer ball will you…kick it with me?"

His only reaction is to stare at her dumbly because he can't believe that Inoue would use a pick-up line on him. But then again, she had kissed him and he would never have believed she would do that. After recovering he says the only acceptable answer, one he is comfortable with and one he is sure Inoue would be fine with.

"I think that…" he watches as her face falls slightly at his hesitant answer, "I would like that."

As soon as he gives his answer she lights up, and it makes the corner of his lips tug upwards in a small smile.

"Come on. I'll walk you home," he motions for her to follow with his head, ruffling her hair when she skips to his side with a bright smile.

:

As he walks her home in a comfortable silence, she thinks quietly that she is glad she took a risk. Though it had been an embarrassing way to give away her first kiss and—

"Weren't there simpler ways of asking me out on a date?"

His voice breaks her out of her musing, making her blush. There  _were_  simpler ways of asking but none as funny as a pick-up line.

A simple "Nope!" and smile is her response to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i felt like writing something that was more happy and romantic than funny. sorry, if the story sounds rushed! idk, where that kiss came from but it felt right to put it there even if it seems a bit rushed. i'm also trying to improve on dialogue...but the gossiping boys were there more for fun than anything else, haha!


End file.
